What Kids Need: Personal Standards
In this series, I have been addressing What Kids Need in their lives to be resilient in their thinking, choices, values, integrity, and friendships. In this post, I will talk about a favorite topic of mine, Personal Standards. It doesn’t take very long for a young person to figure out that their parents do not agree on something which they desire to do in their life. Once they find that weak spot in parenting, they can push the limits until they find themselves in trouble one day. Parents must agree on the standards to which they wish their kids to adhere in their lives. Take time with all of the adults who are a part of your young person’s life to sit down and agree on the standards by which you want the child to live. Disagreement between adults doesn’t work for kids, and eventually, in difficult times, they will pick the more easy parent to be with, and the other is often left out. Standing together on issues will give consistency to their requests in certain areas and help them know how you expect them to behave in various situations.
In my book, Making Sense of Life: A Guidebook for Teens & Parents, I have many situations to review with your young person in advance to anticipate some of the things that they will face. At the end of each chapter are Questions for Parents and Questions for Teens, facilitating discussion between everyone. When adults take time to work with kids to be sure that they understand the standards, you are much more likely to see consistent behavior. Take time to review the standards and adjust them as needed. As kids get older, rules may change or loosen a bit. Check with them and encourage their feedback. Let them know why you’re holding firm on a specific direction so that they can understand why in the long run, it is crucial.
When you take time to talk with them and get their feedback, everyone’s understanding raises. Ideally, all the adults in the young person’s life should be present to receive the same information live. If you doubt how to respond, please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I will be happy to give you some advice and offer some talking points. Having standards for our kids is vital with all of the distractions of social media and the many other variations in families and parenting. To ensure that your kids are what you want them to be, don’t leave things to chance, take time to sit and talk with them regularly and encourage them to give you their understanding of a particular rule or standard.
Here is another post on Personal Standards that I have Personal Standards – Dr. Rich Patterson (pattersonphd.com)
Here is a list of 36 Examples of Personal Standards 36 Examples of Personal Standards – Simplicable
This process can be a lot of fun. I challenge each of you to take time to set some conduct standards and articulate them clearly to your child at their developmentally appropriate level.
Yours for Better Parenting,