Holes In Your Heart

In conversation with a friend recently, he spoke about the incompleteness that exists in all of us from our upbringing.  He called them “Holes In Your Heart.”  That phrase really stuck with me because, in so many ways, we all have holes in our heart.  They may come from difficulties that existed in our upbringing, mistakes that our parents made, or just plain difficulties that we had growing up.  Those holes in our heart eventually take a toll on us and can add up to other types of behaviors that we take out on others unknowingly.  Those behaviors seem unrelated to the Hole in Our Heart, but they manifest themselves with others causing us further problems.

I was talking with a relative of mine one day and she was describing a difficulty that she had in her life with great frustration.  When I asked her about it, she said, Oh, that is because I grew up in such and such town.  I was surprised that she was blaming her short-coming on a town but I realized that somehow the community had left a hole in her heart.  It may have been because of observed behaviors like her own, that she felt compelled somehow to live out as well, or some lack or morals and integrity that she observed.

When we discover those Holes In our Heart, we must take time to stop and take account of them.  As difficult as it is by taking ime to feel the pain of that lack, we begin to realize what they had to teach us, to embrace those teachings and apply them in our life.  Then, move on from there.  Sometimes this is easier than to do that other times, but by recognizing where those shortcomings are holding us back, then we begin the process of healing.  If we hold on to them, then we also put a lid on our own progress, our own self-development.  My mentor John Maxwell in his landmark book, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership”  talks about the Law of the Lid. In this teaching, he speaks about how others we lead cannot outperform our own leadership ability.  If our lid is holding us back in one area, it will also affect those around us.  I like to think of it in terms of our self-image.  These Holes in our Heart affect our self-image, which affects our own self-esteem, which holds us back in life.

This is such an important concept to understand that it seems that we cannot move forward in life until we have embraced it fully for ourselves.  When we acknowledge these thorns or the incompleteness’ of our life, then we begin to recognize them as stepping stones to helping others, as an experience that we had to go through in order to complete our own path through life.  The Holes in Your Heart are opportunities to extend healing to others, to bring them forth in recognition, maybe even publically and allowing others to acknowledge their own similarities.

My take on this is that the Holes in My Heart come up in my life at the most inopportune times, which then causes limitations in my own performance.  By dealing with them in a constructive and purposeful way, I can begin the healing process on my timetable, rather than my subconscious’ time table.  This may be as simple as acknowledgment and then replacing that hurt with gratitude for what it teaches us, and then moving on.

Yours for a Better Life,