You want to be full of self-confidence, but you don’t feel it.  Besides, strictly where does it come from anyway?  It seems elusive, and some people have it, and others do not.  Then we start to look for reasons why someone else has more of it than we do.  We offer statements like, they came from a wealthy family, they didn’t grow up in a single-parent family as I did.  Very soon, we have talked ourselves into being just like we are, without any further effort to examine how to develop this self-confidence.  Does this sound familiar?   Let’s take a look at what some of these steps might be.

Most certainly, the first step is to have a detailed picture of what it is we want: money, position, self-confidence itself, or just certain types of friends.  Defining so clearly what we wish to seem easy until you try to pin it down, and quickly you learn that you don’t have a clear picture of all the details of what you want.  Developing clarity of purpose requires that we take time to write down in words what we want, what it looks like, who has it, why it is essential, and so many questions of this nature.  Once you have clarified your purpose, continue to add detail to the photo of success that it brings to mind.

What type of clothes will you wear?  What will you do with the money?  Who is around you, maybe helping you?  The next step is the most difficult; it demands that you take steps daily toward your goal and hold yourself accountable.  If you’re having trouble with this step, then you are likely not to be clear as to your definite purpose, and maybe your “why” for wanting it isn’t as important to you as you once thought.

A second step is to get the plan in your mind by saying it out loud daily, writing it out, and posting it in various places, like the bathroom mirror, car, day planner, and places that remind you to advance.  See yourself as already being that person, with a clear presentation to others of your plan.

Third, write out some affirmations that are of the nature that you already have achieved this goal.  Develop self-confidence by programming your mind to the success it will bring, except saying it as if you already have that success.  You have all the things in your plan.  How does that look for you?

Fourth, have a written statement worded with your goal or purpose, along with the self-confidence that you will acquire. Be dedicated to reading it and knowing that you will not stop until you achieve the goal. Be faithful daily and remind yourself of how important this is and how you are gaining the skills you need and getting better every day.

Finally, always practice this with solid integrity and with good character toward yourself and others.  Kids need help with self-confidence and so do many adults.  It is never too late to address this thief in the night that steals our dreams away from us.  In this step, write out statements that show confidence, like I will attract the steps to fulfill this goal.  Not that you need to know them; right now, but that they will come to you as you need them.  Be willing to help others with their goals, and in return, you might find some answers for yourself.

Write all of this out and sign your name to it.  Please read it to yourself at the beginning and end of every day.  If you sign your name to it, commit to yourself that you will carry it out to success.  I think you will be glad that you did.  One day, you’ll look back and recall, “I remember when I was struggling with self-confidence, and just a few simple steps sent me on my way to conquering it.”  On this Martin Luther King holiday, we have no better example of the practice of developing self-confidence than from his extraordinary life.

He knew what we wanted and could describe it in detail; he believed it, repeated it daily, and practiced it without violence.  In developing your approach to your self-confidence, I encourage you to hold Martin Luther King in mind as one of the finest examples of self-confidence that we have.

For further clarification read The Magic Four: Poise & Self-Confidence here, The Magic Four: Poise & Self-Confidence – Dr. Rich Patterson (

For a practical approach to Self-Confidence, click here How to Be More Confident (


Yours for the best life,